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Why is it so hard?

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Darkness comes beneath the dying stars
With all the blood and scars
My mouth will hunt you
With fear - I appear
Nothing will stop me
You crave the creature in me
Shattered, I will capture you
So run

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Sick of all these people talking, sick of all this noise
Tired of all these cameras flashing, sick of being poised
Now my neck is open wide, begging for a fist around it
Already choking on my pride, so there's no use crying about it

I'm headed straight for the castle
They wanna make me their queen
And there's an old man sitting on the throne that's saying that I probably shouldn't be so mean
I'm headed straight for the castle
They've got the kingdom locked up
And there's an old man sitting on the throne that's saying I should probably keep my pretty mouth shut

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A strange thing happened yesterday. I left the office and then I found myself standing in front of an opened window. I can't remember the way home. I can't remember which bus I took or was I walking the whole way. No idea. And I felt this strange voice or a thought, I'd better say, forcing me to jump. Luckily I came back to the reality before doing anything stupid, I guess this was because of a default instinct of self-preservation. Anyway, I was so shocked I couldn't understand what was going on. I felt no anger, no sadness, nothing. I'd say I was okay and stable, so what the hell happened? Too many questions I have. I can't think of a reason for such thing to happen. I offended M the other day with my behavior, and had a small conversation during the day. Could that be the overwhelming feeling of guilt that I have? It became bigger since then of course, so maybe it overweighted everything good and logical? I don't know what was it. Thanks to T that I'm alive.
I'm still trying to figure this out, violently going through possibilities, checking them one by one, trying to lock this all away at the same time.
Please.. Just don't lose it.. Just don't..

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Soulmates never die.

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You and me will all go down in history,
With a sad Statue of Liberty,
And a Generation that didn't agree.

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Hello, and Welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother-ship.
If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.

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In the beginning
God created the heaven and the earth.
And the earth was without form and void.
And darkness was upon the face of the deep.
And God said: 'Let there be light'
And there was light.
And God saw the light that it was good.
And God divided the light from the darkness.
And God called the light day, and the darkness he called night.
And God saw everything that he had made, and behold... it was good.
And God created man.
And man created machine,
And machine,
Machine created music.
And machine saw everything it had made and said: 'Behold'

And on the seventh day the Machine pressed stop.

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I'm just right here. At this very edge. Kind of point of no return. Apathy stroke me like a thunder in a cloudless sky. I even don't think of ways to end myself, cause all those ways are just the same. Don't want to feel. Don't want to choose. Don't care what happens next. That'd be all the same grey stuff that is fulfilling my head and runs through my veins. I cut myself 32 times to make sure that my blood is still red. I felt something.. i was surprised a tiny bit that it is still red. I felt pain, but I don't care. I am afraid and lonely. That are the only feelings left, like a childhood memories. I am fading. But I don't care.

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— То есть они себя убивают? — спросил Никт. Любознательный и большеглазый, для своих восьми лет он был весьма неглуп.
— Именно так.
— И это им помогает? Они делаются счастливее после смерти?
— Иногда. Чаще — нет. Они как те люди, которые думают, что будут счастливы, если переедут в другое место, а потом оказывается: куда бы ты ни поехал, ты берешь с собой себя. Если ты понимаешь, о чем я.
— Ну, вроде, — сказал Никт.
(с) Нил Гейман "История с кладбищем"

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An heißen Sommertagen
Bin ich fast erfroren
Vor Stress und Hektik
Die taeglich in mir wohnten
Der ganze Scheiss von gestern
Nervt mich immer noch
Keine Zeit für Traeume wenn ich
Morgens aus meinem Zimmer kroch

Und wie viel mal
Hab' ich mir vorgestellt
Ich haette Zeit fuer dich
Und ich haette Zeit fuer mich
Aber der ganze Teufelskreis
Laesst mich nichts weiter sehen
Außer wenig Zeit
Und zuviel Einsamkeit

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No matter how hard I try
You keep pushing me aside
And I can't break through
There's no talking to you
So sad that you're leaving
Takes time to believe it
But after all is said and done
You're going to be the lonely one.
Do you believe in life after love
I can feel something inside me say
I really don't think you're strong enough,
Now

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www.adme.ru/zhizn-nauka/bokal-krasnogo-vina-pri...

Так я спортсмен ваще)))

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Fiction, when we're not together
Mistaken for a vision, something of my own creation
I wake up alone, with only daylight between us
Last night the world was beneath us, tonight comes, dear love
Were we torn apart by the break of day?
You're more than I can believe, would ever come my way

Fiction, when we're not together
Mistaken for a vision, something of my own creation
Come real love, why do I refuse you?
Cause if my fear's right, I risk to lose you
And if I just might wake up alone
Bring on the night

Fiction, when we're not together
Mistaken for a vision, something of my own creation
Any certainties, how am I to tell?
I know your face all too well, still I wake up alone

Fiction, when we're not together

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I'm swimming in the smoke
Of bridges I have burned
So don't apologize
I'm losing what I don't deserve

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When your moon is fake,
And your mermaids cry,
Do you ever believe you were stuck out in the Sky,
When your tunnel fades,
And your guide is shy,
Do you ever believe you were stuck out in the Sky,
Don't you ever get stuck in the sky,
Don't you ever get stuck in the sky,
Don't ever get stuck in the sky, when you're high

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It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good